The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

What might seem to be a living hell for one person may not seem that bad for another. Is it how we perceive things to be? Is it our own unique personality that helps us face difficult situations better than how others might handle these tough times? Is it faith?

I have had my share of tough times. Yes, including cancer and homelessness and the loss of two children due to custody issues (having no money to fight back).
It hasn't been easy.  I also lost a sister to suicide and a best friend to suicide.
I have had my bouts of doubt and depression and spent several years on a quest in search for answers to who I am and what life is all about.
I am sorry to tell you that I still do not have all the answers but this I know for certain. When terrible things hit me face on, I have to hold on tighter to God. I have to make a real effort in trusting Him to do what is best, no matter how bleak things may seem.

Most of the problems that I have had are from choices that I have made in my life. The first thing that I had to recognize was that it is my fault and no one else's fault for all the things that have happened to me. With the exception of cancer, I own up to the bad decisions I have made. No one forced me to marry the two men I married. No one forced me to go certain ways instead of other ways. I made the decisions and it wasn't my parent's fault and it wasn't even my husbands' fault. Yes, they were jerks, but it was me that decided to marry and trust these men with my life. I could have said no. The first marriage was when I was in my 20's and I was young and stupid. The second marriage was when I was in my 30's and should have known better!
Now that I am in my 50's I can see plain as a crisp, clear day! Darn it! But, this is what life is. One big
lesson and as they say (whoever that is), "I went to the school of hard knocks"!

So, I have told my children that what they decide could effect the rest of their life.

My great times shine and my bad times were lessons learned and I refuse to forget, so that I do not repeat those mistakes!

The good, the bad, and the ugly can be survived. Trust in Him, lean on Him and you will make it through!

Backed into a Corner

Have you ever been in situations where you think that there is no way out? That there doesn't seem to be an answer? Only to find out later when you recall your situation it appears that you were guided by your Creator's Hand? Sometimes this is how it may go. Let me give you a for instance. You are financially stuck and you have tried in every way to rectify your financial woes. You have tried to find a second job to no avail, you talked to family and friends but no one can help. Then it is inevitable that you can not pay your rent or bills. You are in a panic mode and things look are bleak. You pack up your stuff and save what you can and find yourself at someone's door. It might take a several days, weeks or even months but then something happens. Doors start to open. You find a different full time job that pays much more and you find a place to live that is so much better than the last place. You look back on the terrible time you had in this process but then you realize that God's Hand was actually guiding you...almost forcing you to go a certain direction.
I don't know about your life experiences, but I have had several experiences like this in my life. While I lived in this seemingly perilous times, it took me awhile to finally figure out a pattern of when God takes charge or has a better plan for you and direction in which way you are to go. It's almost like when you think that you are stuck in a rock and a hard place....backed up to the Sea of Reeds (so to speak). These types of experiences are requiring faith and letting God do what is necessary to get you to that right place.
Living through it is not easy, no doubt, but when you finally get there, you might see that those hard experiences were worth it.

Tough Times

The hardest thing to have is faith during really tough times. It's hard to see the bigger picture and when you are down, things seem bleak, dismal. You have to force your eyes to open and accept what is. I have read a lot of books on this subject and as good as the books are, they still come up short to as why we go through horrible experiences. Rabbi and author, Harold Kushner wrote a book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". The good Rabbi lost a child to a rare disease. An informative book, a touching book, but I still felt like I needed more of an answer. I still struggle with the "whys", especially when you read about stories like Daniel Perl who was beheaded by monsters. His wife was pregnant with their first child at the time. Or the people who suffered during 9-11. Or the thousands and thousands who suffered in the Holocaust. It boggles my mind!
When I go through tough times, I think about Job and what he lost, what he must have felt and the poor guy (though the story may not be fact), was covered with boils as well! And this man was supposedly a very good man!

Most of us have down days, the blues. We wait it out, we try to do things to occupy our minds. But, when something terrible happens, this is a true test! Hanging on is a challenge! Even the most laid back people can experience grief, anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion.
Some people cling to God and others might eradicate their relationship with God.

There is the emotional pain that cuts to the quick and the soul feels like it will expire. It's hell, it can feel like one is separated from God and from every living creature, alone and lost.

But, somehow most of us come through it. It may take months or years but we come through.
I can tell you, I have had my share of woes and I have had my share of chaos.  Many tears have been shed.
My solace has been to lean on God more than ever during each of my experiences. Crying out to God is something that may seem like a weak thing to do, but it's quite the opposite. Even the bravest soldier in battle who is wounded and dying calls out to his Creator.

Every day should be a conscious effort to connect to God, don't wait until the tough times.

End of Days and Torah Codes

Many scoff at this idea of the "end of days". Many scoff at the Torah Codes. Many even scoff at a global economic collapse even though the evidence is right before them.
The end part of Daniel is understood to mean that Daniel was told that the Word of God would be sealed, closed until the end of days and then when the proper time comes, the Book (Torah) would be opened for the wise to understand. Daniel 12:9 in the Jewish Tanach after Daniel asked, "what is the end to these matters?'
Verse 9 says, He said, "Go, Daniel! For the matters are obscured and sealed until the time of the end..."
In our age of computers, it made it possible to discover that indeed there is language, communication from God to man about the end of days through His Word!
It has been said by many Rabbis that we are not to foretell the future, not through astrology, not through any kind of magic, not through psychics, not through tarot cards, etc.
But, would this be foretelling the future through the Torah Codes?
I do not believe so. It has been shown that what is written within the Torah as codes can change. Also, God's Word through Daniel shows us that God planned to use His Word to help people, to give them a tool to understand these last days.
If you are driving down the highway and about to enter a small town, is there not a sign that reads, "stop lights ahead"? Would you ignore the sign and not slow down? Wouldn't you be thankful that there was some warning?
We have a remarkable, magnificent tool that God has given to those who will accept it. God is telling us that it's time! it's time to prepare. It's time to get right with him, teshuvah! It's time to heed His warning!
But, be careful. Know that even though we can not "predict" what will happen and such and such a day, we can understand certain events that could happen. Be careful not to underestimate or over-estimate. Be careful not to obsess but be wise in taking care of your soul, your relationship with God. Be prudent to plan ahead for whatever emergency and hardship that could occur.  Even people that pay for home insurance understand that anything could happen.
God has sent out His warning. A lot of us know that something is "brewing".  A light descended upon the Temple Mount this last year in which many believed it to be the Archangel Michael, Israel's angel.
Open your minds and hearts to what God shows you. What seems ridiculous is not ridiculous at all! The unexplained will happen more and more. Get ready, get close to God.

Real Bible Codes:

http://www.realbiblecodes.com/

Teshuvah

King David prays to God asking God to not remember the sins of his youth. How many of us do stupid things when we are young? The young think they are invincible, their energy is incredible but they lack knowledge and wisdom unless they come from a family that gives good instruction. Who doesn't worry about their kids once they go away to college. We've heard about the stories. Teens gone wild. Drinking and sex is their past time.
It's very concerning given that some of these teens destroy their futures.  I have told my kids that what ever decisions you make can determine the rest of your life!
Yet, who has not been a sinner? We all fall short of the mark. Whether it be how we act towards others in what we say or do or whatever mitzvah (mitzvot; plural) we ignore.
There comes a time when a lot of people recognize there needs to be change within themselves. If they have a love for God, they desire to change not only for God but for themselves. Some take longer than others in this process of change. However long it might take, being persistent is rewarding. People can and do change, it's called growth. God tells us (through His Word) that if we call upon Him and repent with a sincere heart, He hears us and he forgives us.
Being young isn't easy, but being young with a guilty heart is a good sign that teshuvah will take place with success. Guilt brings repentance and repentance turns us around to obedience to God. What a refreshing and beautiful thing repentance is and brings us closer to our Creator.

Close Encounter With the Holy Kind

How can I have a blog about spiritual matters and not mention my very own experience with a messenger from God? If I were to keep silent then how could anyone know that there really are angels in our world? I feel that I must share what I experienced and let you know that angels exist among us. I have to also ask you, if you see your angel who is in charge of you and you see them every day, would you act differently?

Here is my true account of an angel who came to me.

I was living in Gresham, Oregon in 2000. I was having a garage sale not long after my mom passed away. It was a sunny Sunday. A few people came and left and it was a brief quiet moment. A man came up and looked in a box that I had set out filled with small toys. He asked how much these tiny toys were. I told him ten cents.
He picked up a toy and brought it over to me. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his hand, opened his hand and said, "well, look it here!"  I looked in his hand and he held a dime and a star of David ring!
I excitedly said, "that's a star of David!"  "Oh! You know what this is?" he asked.  "Yes! A star of David ring!" Well, I had no idea who this man was, I had never seen him before. yet, how did this man know I was interested in Judaism? how did this man know that I spent many days praying to God for His Truth and how did this man know I spent hours upon hours researching online about Judaism? The man asked me if I love Israel. He asked me several times and each time I told him yes!  He told me that if I gave him ten dollars and a movie I had out on display, he would give me the ring. I gave him ten dollars and he chose a move, Touched by an Angel. He gave me the ring. The ring isn't anything special to look at. It is all silver and old looking. My hands and fingers are small, I wear about a size 5 or 6 in ring size. This ring fits perfectly!

So, that is my story and was it an angel? Could very well be.

Searching for Truth

Some people do not have any passion to question who they are, where they came from and what life is all about.
That particular person is not me. I question everything. I wonder endlessly. I want to know who I am, what the world is about, what living on earth means and who God is. So, I have searched with great fervor for as long as I can remember. Testing different religious beliefs which included American Indian culture and Zen Buddhism. I am happy to announce, I have rested comfortably in the religion/faith that I have had a great passion for since I was a young adult. I finally made up my mind in the late 1990's and from there I have had a tremendous spiritual in-depth training that I never thought I could obtain. Everyone has their own path, their own life's experiences and it depends on how deep you want your spiritual life to go and what you want to open your mind to. Ask God and he will faithfully show you. He will guide your feet to where you need to go.
For me personally, I fell in love with Judaism. This is my home on this earth.

Introduction to Devorah's Garden

I am Fran Boscow and my Hebrew name is Devorah.  I thought it might be a good idea to start another little blog besides the political one I keep up with. Devorah's Garden will be about spiritual matters and life in general.
I hope that you will find this blog interesting and please leave comments, I would love to hear from you.

Fran/Devorah